Thursday, July 8, 2010


Let's set the scene.

(PS. Use of the word "black" is for descriptive purposes only. So you know in what way I heard all this. In no way at all am I racist... but maybe there's a reason for some of the common stereotypes.)

Joel's in the car, patiently waiting for me to come out with groceries. He was so patiently waiting that he just had called me to see if I was ever going to escape that place.

Hung up the phone, swung down the next aisle, passed someone, and heard: mmm hmmm. You know, the way black people say that. It might have been that certain expletive they say like that too. The one that starts with D.

He was talking on the phone, nbd, probably was talking to them.

I keep walking. I hear "excuse me?"

I keep walking. I hear "excuse me?" again. Louder.

Uhm what? as I turn around.

How do I find a girl like you? (As he's checking me out up and down) You lookin' good! (Insert something that I can't remember about white hair...) You from here?

Not originally... Iowa.

Many black people in Iowa?

Not so much, no.

So... you probably wouldn't be open to carrying black babies?

(Internal gasp. Hel-lo. Hold up my left hand.) I'm married.

So am I. Don't matter.

Yeah, it does.

Oh, you're happily married?


Well, marriages break up all the time.

Oh do they? Not ours.

Are you sure?


Oh, okay.

And he walks away.

He wasn't creepy, probably 23-25 years old, probably no taller than 5"8", was decent looking, and was dressed fairly nicely, in reality.  But, really? You want me to carry your babies? And ask me three times if I'll give up my marriage?


Is my ba-donk-a-donk that big that I'm attracting black guys? I think it's time to hang up the push-up bra and start doing some squats or something.

I was looking all over for my other experience with Walmart on my blog... apparently it happened PB.. pre-blog. Where those Postville (IA) meat-plant raids were happening and they were carting out illegals left and right. And storing them in an auditorium 3 blocks north of our apartment in Iowa. And it's sunny noon as I'm in the Waterloo Walmart. And this Hispanic guy with nasty teeth and a tracking leg-bracelet followed me out to my car. The one time I parked like a mile away. And wouldn't let me put my own potting soil in my trunk. And hardly let me shut the door. And walked my cart back to the store grinning and waving as I speed-locked my doors and flew out of the parking lot.

That one actually required shoe shopping to get past the queasy stomach feeling.


Jennifer said...

Oh Mariah- I'm sorry for your uncomfortableness in that situation, but THANK YOU for sharing it! I am totally and completely sleep deprived, and have been near tears several times tonight due to a small, sleepless tyrant/monkey that I am blessed enough to love, raise, and care for, so I really, really needed that laugh. :D Sigh.... Thank you. :)

Elissa & Logan said...

Haha, i can just imagine that!! well if anyone could take it, it would definately be you!!
i keep sorry ;)

yes, ONLY in walmart...

Stacy@{share and remember} said...

Haha! That was rather entertaining! Sorry that happened to you but now maybe Joel won't make you go in alone. :)

Burchibunch said...

Hahah! Watch out if you've got buns hun! They love themselves some booty:) I agree maybe Joel will come in next time....he will watch and laugh from the next aisle over I am guessing!

Anonymous said...

That is creepy, but I am laughing, cuz it was great!! Ya I agree to take Joel with ya!

Mariah said...

Haha, I'm laughing too... I was a little floored, but it was funny... one of those times I wished I had a recorder because it's hard to remember everything when you're in a situation like that!

Ben, Heather and kids said...

oh my word! hilarious! persistant lil fella wasn't he? :)

Jon Myers said...

Haha... reminds me of the time that Sara and her mom were at Home Depot in Fargo even... can't remember if he was african american or not but he came up to her and was like "you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen" and walked away! I don't remember if it was before we were married or just after. I've heard some black males are attracted to "blondes" so maybe your very light hair got the best of him rather than the "booty"!?! Have to say at least he gave it to you straight up and wasn't lying to you! :)

Suz said...

goooooodnesssss sakes!
That's quite awkward!

Anonymous said...

p.s. That is exactly why you don't go into Walmart alone!! :)

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